It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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