i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm passing your future prison.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
