Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
