I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
