my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
