I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
