i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
