Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
