I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
