I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
