dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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