remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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