Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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