So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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