That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
