she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
