so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
