I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
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just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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