You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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