I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
