Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
