Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
