I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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