Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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