I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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