"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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