My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
