didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
