Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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