i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
