i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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