He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
