She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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