i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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