tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
