4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
