just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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