how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
