sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
