Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
