For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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