SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
