my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
