i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
