Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
