Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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