Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
