I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
