We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
