My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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