The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
