i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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