I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
