The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
did i just pee glitter
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
