What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
two words...techno handjob
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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