Plan B is the new Plan A
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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