I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
