I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
