party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
