You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
