i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
