I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
