sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
