1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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