Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
