I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
