apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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