Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
