I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
