I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
