You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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