We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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