I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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